When people look
at me for a split second, they probably don’t know what is boiling inside me.
Without spending time with me, or knowing me for a long time, than they would
have no idea what I have. Is it contagious? No. Is it strange? Yes. Would I
want to not have it? Sometimes yes, but I am so used to having it, I wouldn’t
know what to do with myself without it. Well, what do I have? I have Tourette
syndrome. Tourettes is a neurobiological disorder, which causes me to move my
body in ways that I cannot control. I sometimes I make noises, but not as
often. I have always had tics as long as I remember. If I didn’t tic, I would
feel off. My tics vary from shoulder movements, hitting my arm against my
torso, flexing my neck, moving my head back (stretching my neck), and blinking.
You become
accustomed to the pain. People think that we can control our movements if we
have TS, and that telling us to stop will help. By drawing attention to our TS
will only make tics worse, at least, mine become worse. It is horrible being in
a place where everyone is being quiet, and they will know if you are making a
noise. One embarrassing situation I had a while back was my parents and I went
to the Oregon Shakespeare Festival to see a play. I can’t remember which play
we saw, but I do remember which tic I had at the time. Before I finish the
story, I should probably mention that my tics cycle, so I rarely have all of
them at the same time. At that time, I had a tic that I made a quiet cough like
noise in the back of my throat. While watching the play, I was ticking (Duh!).
At the intermission, my mom said that she could hear me, and that I should move
in between my parents so I wouldn’t disturb people next to me. My dad was on
the other side of her, and hadn’t heard me, so they knew that people might not
hear me if I was in the middle. I was mortified! At age 17, my mother was
telling me that I had to move so I wouldn’t be a bother to others. I had never
felt so embarrassed or singled out because of TS in my whole life. The only
other times when it really bothers me is when people who I am becoming better
friends with ask me. One instance, I was out on a first date with a guy I
really liked (just so you know, we didn’t really date after the initial date,
but we did hang out). While we were hanging out in Starbucks, I had a bad neck
tic and blinking tic at the same time. You can assume what that would look
like. Scary! Well, when I opened my eyes, I hoped that he hadn’t seen me tic,
but he had. With a puzzled look on his face, he asked me what was wrong. I told
him, because I didn’t want to lie. He was perfectly fine with it, but when I
started talking about it, I just ticked more. Embarrassed, I covered my face with
my hands. He told me that I didn’t need to be embarrassed, and he pulled my
hands away from my face. It was really sweet.
One might wonder
why am I calling Tourettes, TS. There is a logical reason behind that. When I
refer to my Tourettes as TS, it makes me feel more normal. Meaning, when people
ask if I am okay because I am making a weird face, it is easier to say, “Oh, I
have TS. No biggie.” Granted, I usually have to explain what that is, but I
prefer that. Or if my mother makes a comment about it, she usually uses the
full term, which bothers me. By the way, I am making it seem as thought my mom
always makes comments, she doesn’t. She just happens to say more things about
it. Since my dad has it too (did I already mention that?) he understands, and
doesn’t say much about it.
I wrote this when I was in high school and never finished it. My views are a little bit different now, but this was the first thing I wrote about my TS.
I will post my more recent opinions soon.
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