Why are you doing that?

As an adult, I have come to the realization that people are still so uneducated about the truths of Tourettes. Even now, years after I was diagnosed, I feel that there are so many things that people assume about me, about this disorder that they see.  People might assume that I am crazy, which may be true, but it is not because of my Tourettes. I am crazy for different reasons, such as the deep love I have for dancing, how much I care for my friends, the enthusiastic energy I get when I am in Disneyland, and the hundreds and hundreds of pictures that I take on any given vacation. I am a self-proclaimed artsy-fartsy (yes, I used the word fartsy) bookworm, who is an eccentric singer and dancer.  It is those things that define me, not my Tourettes.

I have a story to tell which makes me slightly frustrated when I think about it, but I’m over it. Last term I was having a bad tic day and in one of my classes a guy called me out. He came over to me during our work time and looked me in the face and asked me what was wrong. I told him that nothing was wrong, and that I was fine. Instead of just giving me the “you aren’t telling the truth” look and leaving me be, he pushed. “No”, he said, “What are you doing that for? Are you sick?” and proceeded to mimic what I was doing. Not in the mood to fight back, I just said it was nothing. He finally stopped and walked away when my friend sitting next to me told him that was enough, to leave me be. Walking away, the guy gave me look of disgusted confusion. I thanked my friend and we didn’t talk about it until later. It turns out that a few days after that happened in class, my friend saw the guy and told him that was he did was not appropriate and was rude. The guy was defensive and acted as though he hadn’t done anything wrong. When my friend told me about their interaction, I thanked him again because he did not need to fight my battle for me, but did anyway! Since then, I lost respect for the guy in my class. It is hard sometimes because I still know him and see him around campus. I stop my tics when I see him. I don’t want him to say anything about it again and I don’t want to put in the effort to explain it to him.

I wish that all people understood TS and didn’t think that I am the same as Tourettes Guy or the extreme portrayals in the media. When I meet someone for the first time, I never mention my TS. If they become a good friend of mine, I will tell them, but their reactions usually surprise me. Most of my good friends all say something to the effect of, “Yeah, I already knew, but I didn’t think it was important to say anything about it. It’s what you do” or “I didn’t know you had Tourettes, but I noticed you tic. I just thought, that’s you, it doesn’t change you.” I love hearing those responses because sometimes it is a burden to explain it again and again. With my close friends, I don’t feel like I have to explain myself, they understand that my brain is different than theirs and they don’t judge me for it. They never mimic me! I will say that sometimes I do go into great detail about my TS and the struggles in my life, but that is only to a select few. It is a vulnerable part of my and I need to trust a person before telling them.

These are my thoughts now, at age 19, a sophomore in college. Sometime I might post more of my story on here, but not yet!